Men know that if a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she would probably save the infant's life, without even considering whether there were men on base.
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
It is silly for a woman to go to a male gynecologist. It is like going to an auto mechanic who has never even owned his own car.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
I want a guy that's sensitive and caring, and that loves cats. Unfortunately, most guys like that are gay.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive.
May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.
Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Life is wasted on the living.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.
Life is a razor, you are always in hot water or a scrape.
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it's true.
In the long run we are all dead.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
